When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
