Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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