So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize