Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
