i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
