some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
