My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
