i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
