Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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