with your own penis?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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