you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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