there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
