Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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