cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
