My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
