I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
