How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck appropriateness.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
birth control should be required to get into college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
