I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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