on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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