Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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