Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
