i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
