That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
