Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
