I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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