..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
