life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
