I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are a genius and a whore.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
