in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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