i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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