Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
