My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
