Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
