Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
