WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You made out with two different species that night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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