Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's never too late to be topless.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
