It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
