I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
