shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
