sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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