shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
