Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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