I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
