We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
