The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
