Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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