So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
