I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
