I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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