wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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