Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
