No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
