she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
