Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
