Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
