I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
