i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
