The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
