I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
