I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she peed on how many people?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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