Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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