yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
