I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
