Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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