I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
