In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize