I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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