Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Found the puke drawer
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
