Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize