Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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